Why not this: "I am happy when I have money to buy whatever want" or " I am happy when I feel good". What's wrong with this mentality?
Nothing. It's simple and it's honest and it leaves no room for argument.
"I am happy when I murder children" I knew some of you were already there in your minds. Let me touch on that. Murderers are happy, if what they are doing makes them happy. Should they be happy? Maybe. They're up there with the people that try to tell you what happiness is: they seek to eliminate happiness because they themselves have found it.
It's weird but it makes sense. I am not touching on several key points here because I don't feel like it.
It doesn't make me happy, so I won't.
I'm lonely. Reaching out is next to impossible because I don't see anything that is "open". I'm walking through the town at night and every Inn is closed and it's raining. I feel sad. I feel trapped. I feel out of control. I feel wild in a bad way, the kind of wild that pointlessly destroys because it makes itself happy to. . .
But the point of happy is that I AND WE are happy. That violence and rage that exists in me is happy. However WE are not. The murderer can be happy. But the victims, the other part of the murderer, are not. That's the key. . .
The key. . .An object that which unlocks another object enabling it's function. What did I unlock? I need so badly to open the door.
Here I go thought rambling again. . .talking to myself when I'm CLEARLY blogging. . .
Who are you to ME? Why not murder your children? (figuratively of course) That's why violence happens. People are disconnected and they stop caring about others. They don't realize they ARE others.
You all get the point though don't you?
I love him and I hate him. I hate to love him. I hate to be near him and can't stand to be too far. It's him though. . . .
When someone stops caring that means they disconnect from you and others involved. It also means they stop caring about themselves on many levels too. Because we're one being. . . just multiple systems. . .don't you see?
Can't anyone see that? Why is everyone asleep??
Wake up damn it all of you wake up! Please. . .
Ihm alk othur dwyn alk alome. . .
I, the people, awaken the stars. . .
True story of madness and belonging. A sense of enclosed freedom that which means to restrain and release at the same time. . . like a vibrating particle. . . Trapped in itself but free to pursue whatever means. .
Two opposing waves. . .
“Huh”, was the only thought in my mind when it occurred to me what was happening. Mild amusement is where I would categorize that blip. . .
I am sitting at my computer desk, drinking a can of Pepsi, (a habit long ago formed by heredity and genetics) talking to an old friend from High School (the one I thought I’d never talk to again, at least not seriously) and I suddenly begin feeling something. Now, anyone that knows me, knows that my feelings are serious because they are, well, not to sound Snape (yes everyone, a Harry Potter reference), but rare. “Enough of this”, I say to myself aloud, because no one is home to think I’m crazy for doing so. This is ridiculous. High School is over and was never really my cup of, well, anything tasty. I made an excuse to get offline before I lost gumption to analyze everything. It’s how I breath air sometimes.
What emotion you say? Nostalgia.
Now, nostalgia could be a frame of mind as well OR an emotion. In this case, it’s an emotion because my frame of mind does not include nostalgia often, but when it does it’s usually over a certain aforementioned carbonated beverage. No names, please.
Where it started.
I apologized to my old friend for never being there and for falling out. I explained to her that I felt sad that people never really changed but they still stopped talking to each other. Why do people have to change why can’t there be some stability in the things people do?
Yes the world changes all the time but it doesn’t have to hurt so much!
Wow. Where did that come from?
Why should I be hurt from the people I alienated myself from because the air they breathe is less evolved than mine?
You don’t really feel that way so why even say it?
Because you actually cared.
If you hadn’t spent so much time pretending back then that you couldn’t ever be hurt by stupid people maybe now you wouldn’t be so sensitive to that very threat!
Why is all this surfacing now?
Because it’s time you dealt with it. Stop running from something that isn’t even there. . .
What in the hell am I talking about?
Are you confused?
It’s impossible to confuse my own mind.
So what’s the excuse then?
There isn’t one.
Explain it, Jimmie Lee.
Wow why did I say that name?
Because that name still lives.
I know but I’ve made peace with it.
There’s too much to say about it all.
I sound schizophrenic when I do this to myself.
It’s critical so just quit whining and do it.
Ok. I wish I was then who I am now. I wish I was stronger then.
Because then I felt weak and angry.
But you’re still angry. At what?
Not being satisfied.
I expect things from people, myself more often.
Most people do. So why let it get to you.
Because I didn’t have the high school years I wanted. I told people it didn’t bother me to not walk; to watch them succeed where I failed miserably, because I was lazy and irresponsible.
Now we’re cooking.
I’ve already thought this though.
You have. But have you told anyone?
That doesn’t matter. Why is it coming back?
Because you were never a teenager. You were an adult trapped in a teenagers body torn between what you wanted and who you were.
I know who I am.
But did everyone else?
No and they owed me that at least.
Because I’m fucking special.
Girl interrupted much? I feel like I should be rocking in a chair back and forth by now. . .
You’ve taught yourself to be confident. You were never this way.
Attention breeds confidence. Confidence breeds arrogance.
I’m not arrogant.
Then why do people owe you something. Why the people in High School?
Because I always told them what was coming. I was a fucking crystal ball for those idiots and they never appreciated my foresight.
Sounds about right. Are you bitter?
Not really. I think nostalgia is bad for me though.
I don’t. I think it’s what you deserve: relive it all over again. It’s not that painful.
I know it’s not, but it’s the principal of not wanting to.
Are we even on subject anymore?
Probably not. . .
Am I crazy?
Definitely not. . .
How do I know?
Because I'm your voice of reason.
I'm coming on a revelation, and I don't care who's there afterwards.
It will start innocently enough . . . the seas will warm, casing the ocean to rise which will cause disastrous storms in the ocean, cutting off trade between the major continents.
Already freakish storms in the Bermuda triangle will only worsen. . .The world will just be getting over the “swine flu” pandemic and their immune systems will be weakened, which normally wouldn't be so bad, but with the oceans warming, the water begins evaporating causing a once dormant virus hidden beneath the waves to enter the atmosphere and rain down on humanity.
The symptoms are flu like at first, affirming conspiracy theorists’ “Super Flu”, as there is no known cure and it kills 1/3 that have it.
As if that wasn't enough, illegal and dangerous trading is being done, increasing pirate activity by nearly double. Foreign pirates will undoubtedly intercept sensitive military boats, therefore causing war crazy America to attack their nation. The foreign nation reveals that they in fact have WMDs and they are going to nuke the fuck out of those Americans.
When all else seems lost, the whole world is threatened by a massive meteor/asteroid headed straight for Earth, due date 1 Year until impact. The foreign nation decides to use their nuclear missiles to redirect the path of the asteroid.
When they fire the missiles, one prematurely detonates (they’ve been sitting for like 50 years what do you expect?) and sends radioactive particles into the atmosphere, and over a short time mutates the super flu virus into what is now known as the ZVirus, or “Zombie Virus”. Patients experience almost Hollywood symptoms of Zombie like activity: moaning, grunting, spasms in the muscle and involuntary acts of violence. Then, they slip into a deep coma, and some are even pronounced dead. Afterwards, they suddenly animate, the ZVirus creating electrical/nuclear currents in the body to animate tissue and reactivate the central brain functions causing them to now behave like classical Zombies.
It is unknown if the remaining missile hit its target, but there is hope: a handful of survivors, combating their way into a zombie infested world, led only by a rumor of a cure having been found somewhere in a now forgotten Nation.