I wake to find myself dreaming. A sleep that cannot yet be shaken. . .
The promises of the warm and familiar waters of this place stand frozen, stinging my bare feet with anticipation of change. I cannot move and I cannot breath in this icy place. . .
When the very earth around me conspires to follow suite and give way into madness, I can think of nothing else to do but pray.
I do not pray for him and I do not pray for my situation. I pray, literally, for my soul. It's a selfish prayer; a prayer that I am not used to.
Almost immediately I receive the answer. The answer.
If the ground beneath my feet shakes and gives way to blackness, it is then time to learn how to fly. I don't know what happens if I fail, because many paths have many different outcomes. It is one of the few things I cannot know instinctively, but I have to learn. I am after all still a student of the heavens.
Astrology teaches me that, if I cannot see what is in front of me, then I can always look upwards. It gives me hope, me who typically has little else to look forward to in the grey shallowness of this world. It's a magic I cannot and will not forget. Ever.
I forgive him. I cannot not forgive him. I love him. I forgave him before and because of what happened. I can only hope that he can fogive me someday.
I need to retreat into my darkness. I need to illuminate the depths of my uncomfortableness. I need to visit, once again, my secret place.
It is different this time: I am not dimmed when I go there. I am a light that sheds into the darkness and the unseeable things.
I sleep now and when I wake, I will be free, somehow. I can only hope that my mind will follow my heart this time.
- (no subject)